John Edward Flaherty Jr. (“Jay”), age 79, died early in the morning on Sunday February 9. He died as he lived—with fortitude, organizational strength and the deep love of family surrounding him. His three children (Eugenie Cheney, Doyle Flaherty and Kate Ferrell) and his wife Nanie were with him in the days and hours before he died, sharing our love and gratitude for having him in our lives. We told him we would miss him very very deeply, but he that had taught us how to love and care for one another, and we would always be there for each other.
Jay died of a squamous cell carcinoma, caused by exposure to the defoliant Agent Orange during his time in Vietnam (Cam Ranh Bay) from September 1969 to August 1970.
Jay was born in Wilmington, Delaware in June 1945, and was followed by five sisters, all of whom adored their older brother. As a boy and young man Jay had a passion for baseball, rugby, poetry, literature, writing and friendships. A defining experience in high school was his work in construction for two summers; all his life he had an appreciation for those who relied on hard physical labor for their livelihood, and until his death he had many friends in that group.
Jay attended Exeter Academy (’63) and Yale University (’67), where he majored in English. He was a superb writer, and regularly competed with (and to his delight sometimes beat) his classmate and lifelong friend Karl Marlantes (author of Matterhorn: a Novel of the Vietnam War) for writing awards. Jay and Nanie met early in their college years—they loved to dance to the 1960’s music and to be together. After his 1967 Yale graduation Jay joined the Army; he always felt a sense of duty to his country and to his fellow man and he never shirked his responsibilities. Georgetown Law School (’73) was in some ways a disturbing experience for him, as he returned from Vietnam in the time of protests against the war. He wrote in an essay for his Exeter 50th reunion: “Going to law school in Washington was a grim experience…I showed up wearing Army-issue glasses, with short hair and a jungle tan. I looked around and heard my fellow students talk of Kent State and May Day and no exams…I was bewildered…I felt left behind, as though my friends had all run far ahead of me.”
Jay married Eugenie (Nanie) Walsh Flaherty in May 1969; they were lucky enough to have known each other for 60 years and to have been married for 55 years. They had three children and seven grandchildren, all of whom they adored: time spent with their family was warm and glorious. Jay was affectionately known as Papa, and he loved nothing more than engaging in long conversations with the grandchildren, in sharing jokes which resulted in loud laughter, and in hugging them. Jay’s love for family was exemplified by the legendary annual Thanksgiving gathering at their house; guests, almost all of whom were family members, ranged in number from the high ‘20’s to the mid ‘40’s. Jay carefully prepared his welcome speech, highlighting births, weddings and other momentous events. He opened his speech by blowing on a horn made of wood from a tree on the property.
In 1973 Jay and Nanie moved to Philadelphia, a city they came to love and to call their own. They moved from an apartment in Swarthmore to a small house on Van Pelt Street (1 child!), to a bigger house on Pine Street (2 children!), and finally to their beloved home and garden in Chestnut Hill (3 children!). Jay worked for Dechert, Price and Rhoades from 1973 to 1980. From 1980-82 Jay headed the commercial litigation section in the city solicitor’s office, where he was the lead council in challenging the 1980 census count; he was proud to take that case to the Supreme Court. Jay then returned to Dechert, Price, working on municipal issues.
Jay’s focus and his passion has always been on public service. He supported Wilson Goode in his mayoral campaign and in 1985, after the MOVE debacle, returned to municipal work as the Deputy Mayor, at a time when the city and Mayor Goode desperately needed support. During his tenure as Deputy Mayor, Jay became an expert in NIMBY (“not in my backyard”) cases, as he developed the city’s resources for addressing municipal water, trash, and energy issues. He was challenged by and interested in the regulatory, technical and political issues in these complex municipal challenges. Jay was described by those who worked with him as “one of those people who grew up in the late 1960s but never outgrew the ‘60’s sense that individuals could make a difference.”
Jay continued to focus on governmental challenges and issues after his return to Dechert, Price in 1988. His focus was on governmental and environmental regulations and their interaction with the needs of large and small municipalities. He continued with this work in retirement, when he formed a company with friends and former colleagues to clean up and redevelop polluted properties.
Jay retired in 2006, due to struggles with cardiac issues caused by Agent Orange. He had a glorious and very full retirement! Friends of the same age often asked him for advice on retirement, because he was such a happy, busy, engaged man. Always a man of far-ranging intellect and curiosity and caring for his fellow man, Jay developed friendships outside of his usual circles and enjoyed new challenges. In the early years of his retirement, he trained for and entered triathlons, bragging that he had done well for his age group! Twenty years ago Jay and Nanie became passionately interested in ancient pilgrimage trails after hiking from the Pyrenees to Santiago de Compostela; they continued to do 3-4 week hikes once or twice a year on European pilgrimage trails in Italy, France, Spain and Greece. Their last hike was in in 2023 in southeastern France, along the glorious coastline from Menton to Marseilles. Jay was the master planner and guide; he was an expert at reading maps (at every crossroads he sat on a rock and pulled out the large, many times-folded, and well studied paper map, and made sure we and our fellow hikers were on the right track). Jay planned hikes of several weeks in meticulous detail, with daily hikes of 12-14 miles which always ended in a beautiful town with delicious food, a more or less comfortable hotel and fascinating sites. Nanie and Jay also travelled to Japan (to visit a child working there), to Saudi Arabia (to visit a child living there), to Tunisia, Peru, Turkey, Egypt, Israel, Paris, South Africa, Cuba, Myanmar and often to England (to visit a child living there). Jay’s natural curiosity and interest in others led to many wonderful conversations and interactions. Every winter Nanie and Jay spent several weeks in Key West, where Jay nurtured his love of art, and they both danced every night to the wonderful Key West music-blues, country, reggae, rock and jazz. How Jay loved to dance!
Finally, and most importantly, Jay became a master gardener in his retirement. He developed the home’s 1 and ½ acres into a showcase of native plantings and pollinators. Jay was both an artist and a gardener; he spent hours planning vistas, balancing colors, and nurturing plantings. The property was on a corner, and Jay thought about and planned the views, making his garden a gift to passerbys. During covid years he came to know well the many walkers passing by; all eager for interaction, they ended up having long thoughtful conversations; Jay was called the ‘mayor of the neighborhood.’ Jay grew up in an artistic family-his grandmother studied with N. C. Wyeth and his aunt was a well-known southwest painter-but his skill set also included stonework and the laying of many curving paths, using the construction skills he had learned as a teenager. A visit to Japan motivated Jay to prune the lower limbs of the many existing hollies, revealing their glorious trunks. Jay and Nanie have opened their garden up to many groups, including PHS and Ned Wolfe Park. Jay’s garden is included in the Smithsonian Institution’s Archives of American Gardens, and was recently featured, with photos by Rob Cardillo, in the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society’s GROW Magazine. In his last days Jay looked out a window into the setting sun, seen through the beautiful branches of a crepe myrtle, and remarked on the beauty of the wind moving through the branches.
Jay is survived by his wife Nanie and his three beloved children: Eugenie Cheney (married to Christian Cheney, Brooker 14, Whitlow 13 and Marshall 11), Doyle Flaherty (married to Victoria Lonsdale, Charlie 6 and Alexandra 3) and Kate Ferrell (married to Mike Ferrell, Tuck 9 and Cole 7). In addition to his wife, children and grandchildren, he is survived by his sisters Alice Long, Ellen Brothers, Katherine Flaherty and Mary Thompson. His sister Holly Flaherty, predeceased him in death.
Donations may be made to the Veterans’ Multiservice Center (213-217 North 4th Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19106) or to the Chestnut Hill Garden District Fund (10 East Springfield Avenue, Philadelphia PA 19118).
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